It's been a while, so I guess it's time for me to write this up to get some of the weight off my shoulders.
Around two years ago, I decided to pursue higher education and get a master’s degree after literally years of not touching anything related to industrial engineering. My motivation was mixed, but mainly because I have quite a lot of free time. So, on a whim, I decided to apply. At first, I tried for a Computer Science program, but since I don’t really have the practical background, I failed miserably at the test (I did okay on the written part, though). After that experience, I figured I should stick to what I knew and applied to the same degree as my undergrad. Long story short, I got accepted, did fine for three semesters, and now… here I am.
But let me fill you in on the rest of the story. As I’m writing this, it's been a few months since I attended my last class. Now, all that’s left is to finish my thesis and I'll be done. Just one last piece of the puzzle and I can wrap this up. But of course, being the professional procrastinator that I am, I got sidetracked for months, doing literally anything, anything other than writing that fricking thesis, lol.
This roller-coaster made me realize two things. The first one is about myself. I’m terrible at getting things done if they don’t pique my interest or at least give me a reason to dig deeper. Talk about a late realization, huh. I used to think sheer determination and discipline would be enough to carry me through anything, but turns out, when that spark of curiosity or excitement is missing, it's like pushing a boulder uphill. You can only fake it for so long before the cracks start to show.
I didn’t pursue higher education because of a burning passion or because it was necessary for my job. It was more like, "I’ve got free time and resources, so maybe this could be a good experience!" Don’t get me wrong, it was a good experience while it lasted. But now… Not so much.
The second thing I realized is that procrastination, while usually seen as the villain, can actually be a productive weapon in the right context. Yeah, it has its drawbacks, but surprisingly, these past few months, I’ve been super productive in other areas. I’ve built a system for my job that’s so streamlined that I only need to spend a fraction of the time I used to spend. Heck, it’s almost fully automated now, to the point where it barely needs me. Or take blockchain. I've learned the fundamentals, not just in terms of the tech but also the financial opportunities, and I’ve put it into practice to actually seize the opportunity in ways I bet most people haven’t even thought of yet.
But as the title suggests, I still feel like I’m going backwards. It feels like this degree is turning into a massive waste of time. I’ve thought about just quitting. Why keep pushing if it’s not doing much for me?
Right now, I’m still trying to remind myself that quitting isn’t the way out. Not this time. I’m not going to quit. I’m going to finish this, no matter how long it takes. I’ve got to prove, if only to myself, that someone as bad as I am at this can still see it through. So, if you’ve got a reason to quit out there... don’t. Not yet. Stick with it a little longer. We might just surprise ourselves.