Something’s been bugging me lately, and I think I’ve finally figured out how to put it into words.
Why do we punish people for struggling?
Like, think about it. A kid doesn’t do their chores, so they lose their phone. A student gets bad grades, so they don’t get the thing they were promised. You failed, so here’s a consequence. But what if the kid didn’t do their chores because they just didn’t understand the reason? What if the grades dropped because something else was going on? Nobody asks. The default is always punishment first, questions later. If ever.
And it starts so early that we don’t even question it. That’s just how it works. You didn’t do the thing, so you don’t get the reward. Simple, right?
Except it’s not. Because from what I see, if you’re struggling, that’s your problem. Figure it out or face the consequences.
Where I notice it the most is with faith.
I’ve seen it happen so many times. Someone’s going through a rough period with their faith. Maybe they’re not praying as consistently, or they’re asking uncomfortable questions. Maybe they just feel distant from Allah and don’t know why. And the response from people around them? “You need to pray more.” “That’s what happens when you don’t read Quran.”
Like, hold on. This person is already struggling. They already feel far away. And instead of sitting with them and asking “what’s going on?”, the first instinct is to tell them they’re doing something wrong? How does that help? You just took someone who was struggling and made them feel guilty on top of it.
And the thing is, it happens at work too, in relationships, everywhere. Someone’s underperforming and the response is a warning, not a conversation. Someone’s withdrawing emotionally and the other person takes it personally instead of asking what’s wrong. Struggling just gets treated as failing, and failing gets punished.
But here’s what gets me. Allah never actually asks us to reach the finish line.
There’s a verse in the Quran (53:39-40) that says something along the lines of: man will only have what he strives for, and his effort will be seen, and then he will be rewarded for it with the fullest reward. The effort. Not the result. And “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (2:286). He’s not even asking for more than you can handle.
There’s also a hadith that says if you intend to do something good but can’t carry it out, Allah still records it as a good deed. You didn’t even finish, and it still counts. Like, think about that for a second. God is out here rewarding you for trying, and people around you are punishing you for not being done yet.
I think that’s what bothers me the most honestly. People are harsher than God. Allah looks at the effort and goes, that’s enough. But the people around you skip straight to judgment. Not praying enough? You’re a bad Muslim. And suddenly that person who was already struggling now has guilt stacked on top of it.
I think the instinct comes from a good place. People want the ones they care about to stay on the right path, I get it. But there’s a point where “helping” someone just becomes making them feel worse. And if someone is genuinely struggling, what they actually need is for someone to just ask what’s going on. Not lecture them.
But most of the time, nobody does.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m being naive. But this pops into my mind a lot lately, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how many people are just quietly struggling and getting punished for it. And if Allah Himself says the effort is enough, then maybe we should stop demanding the finish line and start appreciating the effort more.