So here’s something weird I noticed about myself recently.
When I do stupid shit (and trust me, I do plenty) there used to be this direct pipeline from feeling to action. Like, zero buffer. Someone annoys me? Instant reaction. Get anxious about something? Spiral time. Feel like procrastinating? Already on YouTube, baby.
But now… something’s different.
I still feel all those things. The annoyance, the anxiety, the “I really don’t wanna do this” energy. That part hasn’t changed. What changed is this weird layer of metacognition (basically, thinking about your own thinking) that kicks in. Instead of just riding the wave of whatever emotion hits me, I kinda… step back?
It’s hard to explain, but it’s like watching myself from above. Like a bird’s eye view of my own dumbass about to do something dumb. And in that moment, there’s this conscious “break” where I can actually think: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And do I actually want to act on this, or is this just my lizard brain being dramatic?
Most of the time, the answer is: yeah, lizard brain being dramatic.
Real example: I’ve been catching feelings for someone lately. And it’s… a lot. Like, second puberty type of shit. The brain fog, the constant thinking about them, the whole package. If this happened to me five years ago, I would’ve been a complete disaster. Anxious when they take too long to reply. “Did I say something wrong?” Playing conversations in my head over and over. You know, classic 17-year-old boy energy.
But this time, when I feel the anxiety creeping in, the pause button actually works. I notice it, I understand why my brain is being like this (chemicals, loneliness, whatever), and then I can choose not to spiral. Like an actual adult. Wild concept, I know.
Does it make the feelings less intense? Nope. Still feels like my brain got hijacked. But at least I’m not drowning in my own head about it. Most of the time. (kinda)
And honestly? This has been huge for me. Fewer spirals. Fewer snap decisions. Fewer 2am moments lying awake overthinking everything.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve got this figured out. Sometimes the primal self is faster than the metacognition. The “pause button” kicks in after I’ve already said something stupid or made a mess. Like, thanks brain, really helpful timing there lol.
But when it works? When I catch myself before the chaos? It feels like a superpower, ngl.
I don’t know if this is something you can practice or if it just… develops. Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe it’s all the therapy money finally paying off. Maybe I just got tired of cleaning up my own messes.
Whatever it is, I’m not complaining.