Does Growth Make You Less Authentic?

Not long ago, I had a conversation with my mother that turned into a small argument. She brought up something I’d said in the past and accused me of being “inconsistent”, or worse, inauthentic, because my opinion on the topic had changed. Her point was that I wasn’t staying true to what I once believed.

This really made me stop and think afterward.

For the longest time, I thought being authentic meant sticking to your views no matter what. But now, I don’t think that’s true. People grow, and our perspectives naturally evolve as we experience more of life. Isn’t it normal to change your mind when you learn something new? I’d honestly be more worried about someone who never updates their thinking.

I don’t think authenticity means clinging to old beliefs just to look consistent. It’s more about being true to who you are right now. Refusing to adapt just to stay “consistent” feels more inauthentic to me. After all, aren’t we lying to ourselves if we ignore new experiences just to keep up appearances?

And look, I get why it can feel uncomfortable from the other side. If someone you’re close to suddenly holds a different view than the one you remember, it can feel like they’re a different person. But they’re not. They just learned something along the way.

I keep thinking about that argument with my mom. She wasn’t wrong for remembering what I used to think. But I wasn’t wrong for changing either. I just don’t have a great way to explain that in the moment, you know? “I grew” sounds like a cop-out when someone’s staring you down. But it’s the honest answer.